oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
