East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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