I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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