If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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