my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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