I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
