....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
