pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
