I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
