Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can I color on your dick again?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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