I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
