oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
