I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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