I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
