hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
