oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
NoShamevember. You game?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
