Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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