If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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