For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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