I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
