I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
