All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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