i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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