The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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