they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
