So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
