There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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