I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
