i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
