State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
