hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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