If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
