I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
