Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
