Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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