dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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