Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
