so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
