i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
