I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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