I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
