My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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