Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
