I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
