it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
