I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
