dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
