pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
