do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Panties = found
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
