Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
