If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
